A hearty hail and well met to all of my thurirls!

     Yes, though I have met very few of you, I still consider anyone who reads these words to be a thurirl which is Draconic for “friend.” Consider yourselves honored.

     Today’s question comes from a fellow violent villain:

     A great question from a great man! And one that is very easy to answer.

     I have no fears, phobias, or concerns. Naught scares me, for what would frighten the most powerful being in existence? Nothing, of course!

     Until next time, continue to season yourselves with knowledge…

Editor’s note: Hello! Geldrin here. It was at this point that I confronted our dragon friend. Usually, I write whatever he says down with little to no alteration. However, not only does this answer provide no further draconic insight, but it’s terribly short, and I have a feeling it isn’t even true. I have seen Grendel startle when he didn’t know I was in the room, my tiny gnomish voice seeming to cause him the smallest amount of fright. I have also noticed a frightened look in his eyes upon hearing the harpies’ wings fluttering quickly. I have always been curious as to what might frighten a dragon, so with some prodding, I finally got our dear dragon to admit to a single phobia. I had to butter him up by saying that nothing scares me more than being in the frightful presence of his draconic might, but I finally dragged an answer out…

   Alright, fine. I guess there IS one little thing that I’m a bit scared of, but if I hear word that ANYONE is jesting at my expense because of it, they can expect to feel my fiery rage VERY SOON!

     The only thing I am truly frightened of is… fairies.

     Yes, fairies! The tiny, glowing, magical beings inhabiting the most whimsical of enchanted forests. Good-natured sprites with tiny, fragile wings. The most delicate and docile of the fae, I KNOW! Why by all the planes would I, the most powerful being in existence have neraidaphobia? Well, when I was but a wyrmling, barely a few months out of my shell, one flew RIGHT up my nose! Then, nearly two decades later, it happened again! Then, a third and forth time in the same week about a century later. (This was a terrible week.) In my incredibly long life, I have had this happen over one hundred and eighty times.

     You’d think this would be something I could either see coming, or when the little thing is in there, that I’d be able to do something about it—maybe get at it with a claw, or by blasting a small burst of fire through my nostrils—but fairies are incredibly fast! Before I can even react or realize what’s happening, there’s a quick poof of fairy dust, a horrible wriggling in my sinuses, another blast of fairy dust and lightning-fast, the little pothocthing is gone, completely out of sight! Not only are they fast, but they almost always catch me when I’m asleep. Nothing is worse than the feeling of being awoken by a tiny being writhing in your nose.

     I always try to stay alert, of course, and for weeks afterwards I’ll sleep with one eye open, but fairies are smart. So far, I’ve noticed no pattern to their horrible actions. Other than the worst week of my life, they will go years on end without an invasion. Just when I have nearly forgotten about these tiny fae, I’ll be most intrusively reminded. This constant, random, horrible invasive recurrence is why fairies cause me so much paranoia. I know not why they do this, but if I ever find where they nest, I will BURN THEM TO THE GROUND! If any of you dear readers have any relationship with the tiny sprites, you would do well to inform them of my warning. Or at least ask them why they do this. I just want it to stop.

Editor’s note: Here is one of the very rare times that I know more about a subject than Grendel! Being a gnome, I have a very close relationship with many of the fae folk—fairies included. And for you, dear reader, I will shine a light on what is happening here. In many fairy circles, it is a right of passage that when a fairy enters into maturity, they are to travel by themselves for a while until they can come upon a most magical substance and bring it back to the family. Some find unicorn hair, others a giant’s toenail, but the most daring of them have discovered that dragon snot is unmatched in its magical potential and can be combined with fairy dust to create some pretty impressive elixirs!

     This tradition is why I know these attacks will likely not stop, and attempting to bargain with these tiny fae will only bring more attention to our dragon friend. On the other hand, I could install a few fairy traps around the lair, but I don’t want to injure one of these relatively harmless sprites if this is the extent of their maliciousness. Having a swarm or two of fairies in the area is too valuable to drive them away, as their existence brings much luck and benefits as well—too many to name here! Yes, unfortunately for our dragon friend, he’ll just need to keep a nose out for their next invasion. Oh! Maybe I could convince him to keep a used handkerchief somewhere in the cave. If the fairies could just take the boogers through a less dangerous method… hmm… I’ll have to think about this. Anyway, back to Grendel!

     I may never know why it happens, but until the day that I just decide to stuff treasure into my nose all the time to block up their horrible entrances, I will continue to live in the smallest amount of fear of these tiny, horrible fairies!

     Until next time, continue to season yourselves with knowledge, and if I EVER HEAR THAT ANYONE IS LAUGHING ABOUT THIS, I WILL DESTROY YOU!

     Have a great day, thurirls!